


don't kinkshame me

by shortinsomniacs



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 12:11:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5456069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shortinsomniacs/pseuds/shortinsomniacs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>join the hamsqud as they  document their kinkshaming (and other adventures) over twitter</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

@actual_aham: john, you gotta stop looking so cute how am i supposed to focus on the show if you're sitting there looking so cute 

@actual_aham: wow i am so ga y

@actual_aham: boy fuckinG HOWDY AM I GAY

@actual_jlaurens: alex, put your fucking phone away and pay attention to the show

@actual_jlaurens: peggy worked so hard on this, stop it alex 

@actual_aham: you have your phone out too, you can't scold me about this smh

@actual_jlaurens: well i told peggy i would keep you in check

@actual_aham: you're not doing a great job at that baby boy

@actual_jlaurens: s t o p t h a t 

@actual_aham: what? don't you like it when i call you that

@actual_jlaurens: alex, i'm going to block you 

@actual_aham: try me john 

@actual_aham: well fuck

@actual_aham: he was serious

@actual_aham: I CAN'T BELIEVE HE BLOCKED ME 

@actual_aham: SOMEONE TELL JOHN TO UNBLOCK ME 

@actual_aham: JOHN I LOVE YOU PLEASE DON'T DO THIS 

@actual_aham: i'll give you a blowjob in the bathroom

@actual_jlaurens: this is the first thing i see when i unblock you,,, i guess it's time to block you again 

@actual_aham: shit i probably shouldn't had said that i'm sorry joHN

@actual_eschuy: alexander please, there are children around 

@actual_aschuy: alexander get off your phone before i kick your ass

@actual_aschuy: peggy worked so hard on her play, stop this and watch the damn show 

@actual_aham: ok i'm logging off before angelica and eliza kick my ass 

@actual_aham: i know i said i was gonna log out but this is a cute nativity scene

@actual_aham: IHMYGOD

@actual_aham: john 

@actual_aham: john 

@actual_aham: jOHN

@actual_aham: WHAT IF 

@actual_aham: WHAT IF SOMEONE SLAM DUNKED BABY JESUS INTO HIS CRADLE 

@actual_aham: I AM GOING TO HE L L

@actual_jlaurens: ALEXANDER N O

@actual_jlaurens: WHY DO YOU THINK THINGS THIS 

@actual_jlaurens: you know you've found the one when they think about slam dunking babe jesus 

@actual_jlaurens: bABY***

@actual_aham: john thinks jesus is a babe, pass it on 

@actual_aschuy: jesusfucker confirmed 

@actual_jlaurens: I'M NOT A JESUSFUCKER 

@actual_jlaurens: I HAVE NEVER FUCKED JESUS IN MY LIFE

@actual_jlaurens: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT ALEXANDER 

@actual_aham: why are you using my full name john? i thought you only did that in bed ;) 

@actual_jlaurens: ALEX ST O P THIS 

@actual_pschuy: how the hell did this happen 

@actual_pschuy: how did you get slam dunking jesus and jesusfucker from my play

@actual_pschuy: IT WAS A PLAY ABOUT NUNS HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK DID YOU MANAGE TO DO THIS 

@actual_jlaurens: i'm sorry peggy it's all alex's fault

@actual_aham: john shut up, you're the one who thinks jesus is a babe

@actual_jlaurens: BUT I'M NOT THE ONE WHO THOUGHT ABOUT BABY JESUS BEING SLAM DUNKED 

@actual_aham: BUT I'M NOT THE ONE THINKING ABOUT FUCKING JESUS 

@actual_jlaurens: LET ME LIVE 

@actual_jlaurens: YOU GUYS SHOULD JUST LET IT GOOOOO

@actual_jlaurens: I'M

@actual_jlaurens: NOT 

@actual_jlaurens: A

@actual_jlaurens: JESUS FUCKER 

@actual_hull:  
is john a jesusfucker  
nah (20%)  
hell yeah (80%)

@actual_jlaurnes: first off,, fuck off hercules at least i'm not a horsefucker

@actual_jlaurens: and second, thank you kind soul for believing i'm not a jesusfucker 

@actual_mlaf: oh yeah that was me, i meant to hit yes,,, but you're welcome laurens 

@actual_jlaurens: honestly fuck you lafayette 

@actual_mlaf: buy me dinner first

@actual_mlaf: and just so you know i will not have a threesome with you and jesus

@actual_jlaurens: LAF STOP THIS

@actual_mlaf: ;)

@actual_jlaurens: let me just make this clear

@actual_jlaurens: jesus could get it 

@actual_jlaurens: like have you seen him

@actual_jlaurens: jesus could totally get it 

@actual_aham: i can't believe i'm dating a jesusfucker 

@actual_aburr: is it kinkshaming time?

@actual_jlaurens: burr no, not you too

@actual_aburr: i'm only here for the kinkshaming 

@actual_jlaurens: BURR NO

@actual_aham: for once i agree with burr, iTS TIME TO KINKSHAME

@actual_jlaurens: I'M DELETING 

@actual_jlaurens: GOODBYE WORLD

@actual_aham: well since we're kinkshaming i might as well add this,,, john is a macklemorefucker 

@actual_jlaurens: i fucking trusted you Alex

@actual_jlaurens: i'm breaking up with you ya mintfucker 

@actual_aham: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU CALL ME 

@actual_jlaurens: DID I FUCKING STUTTER

@actual_jlaurens: YOU HEARD ME MINTFUCKER 

@actual_aham: i can't believe john is accusing me of being a mintfucker 

@actual_jlaurens: tell that to all your peppermint patties in the kitchen alexander 

@actual_jlaurens: alex, i s2g you need to stop

@actual_jlaurens: someone tell alex to stop, he's playing same love outside my door 

@actual_jlaurens: wELL I CANT CHANGE EVEN IF I TRIED EVEN IF I WANTED TO

@actual_jlaurens: MY LOVE MY LOVE MY LOVE 

@actual_aham: macklemorefucker confirmed 

@actual_jlaurens: honestly fuck off 

@actual_tjeff: … what'd i miss


	2. ʷʰʸ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ʸᵒᵘ ᶫʸᶦᶰ

@actual_aham: look at this cute picture of john  
   _john is in an ugly sweater smiling happily towards the camera. the christmas tree provides a cheery background_

@actual_jlaurens: alex, n o why

@actual_mlaf: look at how tiny laurens is!

@actual_jlaurens: laf stop this, i'm not that much shorter than you

@actual_aham: john you're so smol

@actual_jlaurens: alex i'm like half a foot taller than you

@actual_aham: so so smol

@actual_aham: my boyfriend is so smol

@actual_jlaurens: can someone tell that headrest to stop calling me smol

@actual_aham: excuse you

@actual_aham: what did you just call me???

@actual_jlaurens: i'm sorry, does anyone hear that??? i hear an annoying buzz coming from that headrest over there

@actual_aham: this is cyber bullying john

@actual_jlaurens: it's hard to take a nap when that headrest won't shut up

@actual_aham: john

@actual_aham: j o h n

@actual_aham: johnny boy plea s e

@actual_aham: john it's been an hour wake up already

@actual_aham: when will my smol boyfriend return from war

@actual_hmull: here, let me try something bro... aLEXANDER SUCKS

@actual_jlaurens: DAMN STRAIGHT

@actual_aham: EXCUSE ME

@actual_hmull: i think you mean damn gay...

@actual_aham: JOHN WHAT THE FUC K

@actual_hmull: my work here is done

@actual_jlaurens: sorry babe, but it's true

@actual_aham: fucking fight me john

@actual_jluarens: fine you dork

@actual_aham: i don't think john knows what fight means

@actual_aham: because i'm pretty sure it's not kissing

@actual_jlaurens: at least i won ;)

@actual_aham: stop that

@actual_jlaurens: oh man

@actual_jlaurens: if only if you guys could see how cute alex is while he blushes

@actual_jlaurens: just look at him  
    _there are two photos. the first one is alex is smiling bashfully, pushing away the camera. in the second photo he's covering his face, trying to hide._

@actual_mlaf: ALEX WHY ARE YOU SO ADORABLE

@actual_eschuy: alexander is the Cutest Smol™

@actual_aham: WHY WOULD YOU POST THESE

@actual_aham: JOHN I TRU S TE D YOU

@actual_aschuy: petition for john to post more Adorable Ham pictures

@actual_aham: angelica pl e a s e

@actual_hmull: where do i sign

@actual_aham: john i swEAR IF YOU POST ANY MORE PICTURES OF ME

@actual_jlaurens: what's that?? i can't hear you over me posting more cute pictures of you  
    _it's one of alexander's selfies. he's wearing a bright pink unicorn onesie and is posing, excitedly holding up a peace sign._

@actual_aham: JOHN WHY DID YOU POST THIS ONE

@actual_aburr: i'm saving this

@actual_aburr: it can be useful to blackmail you or something

@actual_aham: you know what burr? fucking fight me

@actual_aham: DAMMIT I CANT SAY FIGHT ME ANYMORE, JOHN RUINED IT FOR ME

@actual_jlaurens: you're welcome world, alexander hamilton can no longer fight you  
@actual_aburr: you have done us all a favor

@actual_pschuy: john laurens, not only my hero but hero of the world

@actual_aham: i hate you guys

@actual_jlaurens: sweaty :)))))

@actual_aham: john get your ugly memES AWAY FROM ME YOU KNOW I HATE MEMES

@actual_jlaurens: sounds fake,,,,, but okay

@actual_aschuy: well that explains why you hate yourself

@actual_aham: wow ang that was fucking cruel

@actual_aham: i can’t believe that i am not only dating a meme 

@actual_aham: i cant believe angelica accused me of being one

@actual_eschuy:  
is alex a meme  
no (0%)  
yes (100%)

@actual_aham: eliza i love you but honestly fuck you

@actual_eschuy: :-)

@actual_hmull: you will forever be my favorite meme

@actual_mlaf: you’re the only meme that matters to me <3

@actual_jlaurens: laf what the fUCK?? I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY MEME THAT MATTERED

@actual_aham: I’M NOT A FUCKING MEME

@actual_aham: LET ME LIVE MY LIFE

@actual_mlaf: i can’t read suddenly

@actual_jlaurens: i can’t believe that i’ve just been memed by lafayette

@actual_jlaurens: alex, come back can’t you see that we’re meant to be

@actual_jlaurens: or should i say meant to meme

@actual_aham: i’m breaking up with y o u

@actual_jlaurens: ʷʰʸ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠᵘᶜᵏ ʸᵒᵘ ᶫʸᶦᶰ ﹖why you always lyin ?? ᵐᵐᵐᴹᴹᴹᴹᴹᵐ ᵒʰ ᵐʸ ᵍᵒᵈ !!! STOP FUCKIN LYIN !


	3. #singate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> movie night at laf's place that ends up being sin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is kinda bad and really short but then again i was writing it at one in the morning so,,,

@actual_mlaf: someone tell laurens and ham to get a room, i don't want them slobbering over my couch

@actual_eschuy: well you gotta admit, it's pretty adorable

@actual_hmull: it's kinda cute, especially when they're not sucking each other's faces off

@actual_aburr: can you two get a room?? some of us are trying to actually watch the movie

@actual_aham: sorry can't hear you guys over how great of a kisser john is

@actual_jmads: who thought it was a good idea to invite them anyways

@actual_tjeff: well jemmy, we can definitely beat them at their own game

@actual_tjeff: or should i say _gay_ me 

@actual_jmads: thomas, never say that ever again

@actual_mlaf: when i invited you guys i never imagined it would turn into a gay potluck

@actual_aschuy: invite some cute girls next time i want someone to smooch

@actual_eschuy: yeah honestly though, the lack of cute girls is very disappointing laf

@actual_mlaf: geesh sorry to disappoint gals, i'll do better next time

@actual_hmull: uh hey guys, where did ham and laurens go

@actual_tjeff: they probably went to get it on in the bathroom or something

@actual_mlaf: SOMEONE GO FIND THEM

@actual_hmull: they're not in the bathroom... but i hear noises from your room

@actual_hmull: laf you may want to check this out...

@actual_mlaf: WHEN I SAID GET A ROOM I DID NOT MEAN MY ROOM

@actual_aschuy: ARE YOU KIDDING

@actual_aschuy: ARE THEY ACTUALLY GOING AT IT IN YOUR ROOM

@actual_eschuy: PEGGY CONVER YOUR EARS, YOU'RE TO INNOCENT FOR THIS

@actual_mlaf: OPEN THE GOD DAMN DOOR

@actual_hmul: sick panic! reference laf

@actual_aschuy: herc you realize the line doesn't go like that

@actual_hmul: angelica let me live my emo life in peace 

@actual_mlaf: now is not the time herc pleas e 

@actual_aham: whoops sorry guys, can't talk right now

@actual_aham: i'm too busy having mind blowing sex

@actual_aham: oh the things john can do with his mouth oh l o r d

@actual_jlaurens: stop tweeting and put those fingers to good use

@actual_mlaf: THIS IS DISGUSTING STOP THIS

@actual_aschuy: THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS

@actual_eschuy: I HOPE YOU KNOW THE WALLS ARE THIN

@actual_hmull: i came her to watch a movie not hear hamilton moan laurens name in different languages

@actual_aburr: ITS BEEN CONFIRMED

@actual_aburr: ALEXANDER HAS A DADDY KINK

@actual_hmull:

     who bottoms?

     laurens (50%)

     hamilton (50%)

@actual_mlaf: HERC YOU'RE NOT HELPING

@actual_mlaf: I JUST GOT NEW BEDSHEETS,, REALLY GUYS

@actual_aburr: i know i should be disgusted about what's going on with alex, but honestly laf's reaction is priceless

@actual_aham: we'll pay you back i promise

@actual_jlaurens: well since we're paying him back, another round can't hurt can it?

@actual_mlaf: IT CAN HURT ACTUALLY

@actual_mlaf: I AM NEVER INVITING ANY OF YOU OVER EVER AGAIN

@actual_mlaf: now madison and jefferson are all over my fucking couch how great

@actual_eschuy: welcome to the Sin House

@actual_mlaf: oh thank god, they're out of my room

@actual_aham: thanks for letting us borrow your room laf

@actual_jlaurens: we promise we didn't break anything

@actual_eschuy: well you kinda broke laf

@actual_tjeff: well now that the Sin Room is open, jemmy and i have some business to attend to

@actual_jmads: ;)

@actual_mlaf: MY ROOM IS NOT WHERE YOU FUCK EACH OTHER

@actual_aschuy: there's no point in arguing now laf, the gay was just too powerful

@actual_pschuy: all of you are blocked,,, none of you are frEE OF SIN

@actual_mlaf: ALL OF YOU JUST GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

@actual_mlaf: MOVIE NIGHT IS CANCELED FOR THE REST OF FOREVER

@actual_aham: what the hell laf, you can't do that

@actual_mlaf: well you can't fuck in my room either, but that clearly didn't stop you

@actual_jlaurens: touché 

 @actual_aburr: #singate

@actual_mlaf: i genuinely hate you all    


	4. les mis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> john watches les mis for the first time ever

@actual_jlaurens: i have never watched or listened to les mis

@actual_aham: WHAT

@actual_eschuy: HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE

@actual_mlaf: LAURENS I CANNOT BELIEVE E VE

@actual_pschuy: JOHN, I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THIS

@actual_aham: WE'RE WATCHING IT RIGHT NOW

@actual_jlaurens: i don't get what the big deal is?? it's just a movie where everyone dies??

@actual_aham: oh babe, you are in for a ride

@actual_jlaurens: well this is a catchy tune

@actual_jlaurens: oh so that's were alex got his passcode

@actual_jlaurens: 2 4 6 0 1

@actual_jlaurens: i'm gonna have look down stuck in my head for the longest time

@actual_pschuy: [kicks door down] LOOK DOWN LOOK DOWN

@actual_jadams: DONT LOOK EM IN THE EYE LOOK DOWN LOOK YOURE HERE UNTIL YOU DIE

@actual_eschuy: i still can't believe john hasn't seen les mis

@actual_jlaurens: sorry to disappoint eliza

@actual_jlaurens: i'm highkey in love with jean valjean's voice ho n e s t LY

@actual_jlaurens: FANTINE IS SO SMOL AND PRECIOUS

@actual_jluarens: FANTINE DOES NOT DESERVE THIS

@actual_jluarens: FANTINE IS JUST A MOM TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF HER LITTLE GIRL SH E DO E S NOT D E S E R V E

@actual_jlaurens: FAN T. I NE

@actual_aburr: oh just you wait, you're going to get your heart shattered and stepped on

@actual_pschuy: rest in actual hecking pieces john

@actual_jluarens: how can i be sad when alex is singing castle on a cloud

@actual_jluarens: cosette no,, have you never heard of stranger danger

@actual_aham: john is now sadly bopping to master of the house

@actual_jluarens: well th e. n,,, that was an event

@actual_eschuy: I JUST REMEMBERED WHAG HAPPENS IN MASTER OF THE HOUSE OH

@actual_jlaurens: THAT WAS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED

@actual_jlaurens: who the fuck is this little kid i want him

@actual_eschuy: MY ACTUAL SON GAVROCHE

@actual_jlaurens: EVERYONE IS EQUAL WHEN THEY'RE DEAD

@actual_jlaurnes: THIS KID IS ME

@actual_jlaurens: eponie does not deserve

@actual_aham: EPONINE IS SO IMPORT AN T

@actual_aham: GAVROCHE AND GRANTAIRE AND ENJOLRAS AND COURF AND COSETTE AND EPONINE ARE ALL THE MOST IMPORTANT OK

@actual_aham: enjolras is so important

@actual_aham: i haven't been enjolras trash in so long but i'm Always enjolras trash deep down

@actual_jlaurens: marius @ cosette is me @ alex honestly

@actual_jlaurens: alex be the cosette to my marius

@actual_aham: john stop that's so gay

@actual_pschuy: so are grantaire and enjolras

@actual_ahan: me and john are irl grantaire and enjolras now

@actual_jluarens: ok a heart full of love is so cute

@actual_jlaurens: EPONINE NO

@actual_jlaurens: I WANT TO GIVE EPONINE A HUG @actual_jlaurens: HE WAS NEVER MINE TO LOSE

@actual_jlaurens: NO THANK S

@actual_eschuy: EPONINE DESERVES THE WORLD

@actual_jlaurens: who the fuck thought it was okay to play i dreamed a dream in the background of one day more wHAT THE FUC K

@actual_jlaurens: in other news, cosette and marius are pretty cute together but like,,, eponine

@actual_pschuy: i like the way you think john

@actual_jlaurens: oh no things are getting p stressful

@actual_jmads: are you at the barricades? good luck

@actual_jmads: rip

@actual_jmads: literally rip

@actual_jlaurens: i love gavroche

@actual_jlaurens: he is the embodiment of the why the fuck you lyin meme

@actual_jlaurens: things are getting real

@actual_aschuy: rekt in pieces john

@actual_jlaurens: EPONINE NO

@actual_jlaurens: E PON I N E NO

@actual_aham: JOHN IS TEARING UP RIP

@actual_aham: EPONINE DESERVED THE WORL D

@actual_jlaurens: WAIT IS GAVROCHE CRYING NO FUCKING THANK YOU I DIDN OT SIGN UP FOR THIS

@actual_jlaurens: i'm feeling so eye emojis rn @ jean valjean because of bring him home rn

@actual_aham: am i ready to see john cry? probably not

@actual_pschuy: this next one is going to k i l l you, it was nice knowing you

@actual_jlaurens: STOP TELLING ME RIP I ALREADY KNOW I'M NOT GOING TO BE READY

@actual_ jlaurens: look at gavroche my smol son

@actual_jlaurens: ha gacroche what are you doing

@actual_jlaurens: GA V R O C H E NO

@actual_jlaurens: SAVE HIM

@actual_jlaurens: I'M THAT CURLY HAIR DUDE THAT IS ME SOMEONE SAVE MY SON

@actual_aham: REST IN PEACE

@actual_aham: JOHN IS SO CLOSE TO CRYING I AM GOING TO CRY UF HE DOES

@actual_jlaurens: HE WAS JUST A KI D WHAT RHE F U CK

@actual_jlaurens: I'M READY TO FIGHT

@actual_mlaf: please don't fight you will probably di e

@actual_aham: it's time for the final battle

@actual_jlaurens: THEYRE DROPPING LIKE FLIES SOMEONE SAVE THEM

@actual_jlaurens: SAVE MY SONS

@actual_jlaurens: i like maurius but like

@actual_jlaurens: what about everyone e l s e

@actual_jlaurens: me before the final battle: barrigaydes

@actual_jlaurens: me after the final battle: barripains

@actual_aham: r i p

@actual_jlaurens: i hat e alex for doing this to me

@actual_jlaurens: my current emotion is oh no

@actual_jlaurens: javert don't you DARE

@actual_jlaurens: JAVERT WHAT DID I SAY

@actual_jluarens: things can't get any worse can they

@actual_aham: you're in for a surprise

@actual_jlaurens: ha i love hearing marius sing about his dead friends

@actual_aham: "i'm not crying, my eyes are just a little misty" -john laurens

@actual_jlaurens: ha valjean's confession

@actual_jlaurens: HA

@actual_jlaurens: FANTINE SINGING WHEN VALJEAN IS TELLING COSETTE

@actual_jlaurens: I'M NOT CRYING

@actual_jlaurens: IT CANT GET WORSE

@actual_aham: oh babe, just you wait

@actual_aham: if you can only see john when fantine's ghost

@actual_aham: he lost his shit

@actual_jlaurens: IT WAS THE DEA T H OF ME

@actual_aham: it was the death of jean valjean too

@actual_jlaurens: FUCKIN FIYHT ME TIHS SO RUDE EHEATTHE FUCK

@actual_jlaurens: NO

@actual_jluarens: NO WHAF THE GUCK

@actual_eschuy: there it is

@actual_jlaurens: ALL MY DEA D CHILDREN

@actual_jlaurens: WHAT THE FUC K IS THIS WHAG THE FUCK WHAT THE F UCK W H

@actual_pschuy: RE S T IN PE A C E

@actual_jlaurens: i had to leave the room so i didn't sob in front of alex

@actual_jlaurens: that made me an emotional mess i am gone goodbye

@actual_jlaurens: i am actually dead

@actual_aham: so is everyone in les mis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll like to dedicate this chapter to my girlfriend kaylee for ruining my life by introducing me to les mis a couple weeks ago. also if you want to follow the accounts who serve for most of the inspiration of these chapters its @oohlalafayette and @johniaurens on twitter #shamelessselfpromo

**Author's Note:**

> just a little something i put together after this happened to me and my friends


End file.
